But before it even started, it was too late. Her daughter’s school had changed her socially. They changed her name and pronouns without discussing it with her mother. Teachers at the West Midlands private school saw no harm in immediately confirming the belief that the mother believed she was harming the teenager and when asked said they would accept any identity the student chose. “Somebody might want to be called a banana one day and if that makes them have a safer Tuesday, then we’ll do it. If on Wednesday they want to be a table, then it’s our job to make them feel safe and included at that time,” said the teacher. Her daughter Anne has Asperger’s and believes she is responding to trauma in her life, including the damage done to her mental health by the pandemic lockdowns. “My daughter needs help, she doesn’t need to change her identity every day. I would have done anything to protect her, but I was treated like I was her enemy,” Anne said. “I feel my child is dead, but I have no grave to go to cry.”
“Bigots and Monsters”
Anne’s experience echoes that of other parents who have agreed to speak to The Telegraph about their experiences of their children being lured into a gender ‘cult’. Many of the teenagers are autistic or suffer from mental health problems, and parents believe they use the label to make sense of the world or as a box to contain the confusing experiences of adolescence. Those who have been bullied or struggle to make friends are suddenly celebrated for their decision to come out as transgender, often encouraged by their teachers. While most see little harm in their son wearing a dress or their daughter having short hair, their fear is the race to medical treatment. Strong puberty blockers could lead to lifelong damage or irreversible surgery. Parents, whose stories are rarely heard in this increasingly toxic debate, have been branded bigots and “monsters”, teachers and medical professionals told they cannot challenge the decision. Some of the five families who agreed to discuss their experiences on condition of anonymity – all names have been changed – have been completely cut off from their children’s lives. Others are rebuilding relationships and a 13-year-old avoided believing he is transgender. Anna, now 15, has gone to live with her father, despite the court granting her mother custody after their divorce, as she has agreed to sign consent forms for medical treatment and uses pronouns. He hasn’t spoken to Anna in almost a year. She has no idea now if her daughter is undergoing medical treatment, as doctors did not notify her that they referred her to a gender clinic at age 14.
“They are treated like criminals”
Many believe that teachers and schools who have fallen victim to “institutional capture” are behind the new transgender identity and question whether their encouragement could land them in legal hot water if the children later opt out. Hundreds of schools are paying controversial LGBT charity Stonewall to take part in its ‘Schools and Colleges Champions Programme’. Membership includes training from the trans rights lobbying charity, which has been accused of flouting equality laws. Other taxpayer-funded campaign groups have told teachers to ditch all toilets and gender-based language – and not tell parents if they change their child’s identity. Sarah believes her 13-year-old son’s decision in 2016 that he was a girl was sparked by a gender identity lesson, which suggested that if he didn’t fit a male stereotype, he might be a girl. “His conviction was definitely brought on by the school,” Sarah told the Telegraph. “After class, he went online and went on Reddit and other sites and found a community of other kids who all felt like they didn’t fit in.” Although Sarah’s son decided he didn’t want to change the way he dressed or his pronouns and didn’t want to see a doctor to talk about medical treatment, he told the school he was transgender and his parents weren’t told. “It goes by her/him on the internet, but not in real life, it’s all done online,” he said. “Schools lie to children about the fact that you can change your biological sex. If he hadn’t been introduced to ideology in a class at 13, then he wouldn’t be searching the internet for it.” It was only during lockdown several years later that he became “obsessed” with transitioning and the police came to her house to take him to a friend’s house as they claimed his parents were “holding him hostage”. Sarah, who lives in the West Midlands, was unable to do anything as she was 18 years old. “We’ve been treated like criminals, basically like we don’t care about our son, but all we wanted was someone to help us.”
“Social Broadcasting”
Diana, in Kent, said teachers thought it would be “safe” to change the name and pronouns of her 13-year-old son, who is suspected to have autism. “Schools should view the request for social transition very carefully,” he said. She believes her gay son felt safer as a girl and was drawn into a “social contagion” and “being trans/non-binary is often a higher status.” Within a year he had changed his mind, but “now he’s stuck with a girl’s name that he can’t change without losing face or being bullied.” “Another reason why schools shouldn’t easily socialize a child,” Diana said. “A teenager’s peers may be ready to accept a new gender identity, but not a reversal, which is often seen as a lie.” He noted that the Cass Review, commissioned by NHS England, found that “there are a disproportionate number of children on the spectrum, in care, same-sex attracted or traumatized who identify as transgender”. The ongoing independent review, led by Dr Hilary Cass, former president of the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health, was commissioned amid concerns about the way NHS gender identity services were treating young people. “Schools are not qualified to decide whether a child is transgender, especially given the large number of children who self-identify as transgender with existing mental health issues. Will schools be sued in the future for enabling a social transition that led to a medical transition?” Diana asked.
“Question of Assurance”
Her 15-year-old daughter Charlotte decided it was a boy at the start of the lockdown. It took “a five-minute period” for her school to transfer her to the Home Counties – but they didn’t tell parents. She had an email from the school using the new name and was told that as her daughter was now 16, she had no say. “School teachers are not qualified to take that step, to make decisions that affect mental or physical well-being,” he warned. At the time the family was struggling at home and her daughter had finally found a group of friends who accepted her – many of whom were transgender. “I always imagined that name changes were only done after proper therapeutic exploration, that we would all sit down and talk it out and agree,” Charlotte added. “So we assumed it had happened with her friends. When it happened to us, I could see that he was a vulnerable person who was going through something that needed help.” Her husband, David, recalled being told that one of her friend’s fathers wouldn’t use his transgender name and thought “having bigoted fathers must be very difficult”. “I feel very different now,” he admits. “When she was our daughter, I just wanted to slow things down.” On a school trip abroad, their daughter was going to sleep in the boy’s dorm because she identified as male, and a teacher made her tell her parents. “The school made it to make us look like monsters,” David said. “They set it up so that we had to tell our child that he can’t go on this trip of a lifetime because it was a protection issue.” Charlotte believes that school “absolutely” made it worse. “From a very early age, we always told our children to learn from and respect teachers. Being told you’re a boy has a huge impact.”
Gender dysphoria
Anne was also shocked by the speed with which her daughter, who had always been a tomboy, had transitioned socially. It was the beginning of lockdown and with homeschooling, she spent all her time online, where she found a community of people who “indoctrinated” her. Eventually, Anne found a therapist and her daughter was diagnosed with Asperger’s. There is increasing evidence of an intersection between autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and gender dysphoria. The largest study to date, from the University of Cambridge, found that transgender and gender diverse people were up to six times more likely to have autism than the general population and had “significantly higher” self-reported measures of autistic traits. Cass’s review found that a third of young people referred to gender identity clinics have autism or other types of neurodiversity. Charlotte, whose daughter had a working diagnosis of ASD, said they believe she saw being transgender as a “simplistic explanation for why she felt so bad”. For Bonnie, whose daughter came out as transgender during her first year at university, she can understand why the little girl who never fit in would want to be part of a “community that accepted her without question, celebrated her coming out , her apparitions”. . The lockdown has accelerated the feeling for many. The number of children seeking treatment at the NHS Gender Identity Service in Tavistock…
