But all is well and the Convict completes his travels with a final press conference before flying home. It looked like the week had paid off. His hair and suit were a mess, his skin stained and the bags under his eyes seemed to have deepened and darkened visibly in just seven days. Does not matter. The Rwandan Panda would always look forward to its time abroad. At least he was present in the presence of world leaders who tried to treat him with respect and honesty. Not like back home. There even the ministers of his cabinet refused to support his idea that the privileges committee was an illegal kangaroo court whose findings could be ignored. However, it is better to be careful what you wish for. He could have been brought before a public inquiry led by the judge. Johnson began by giving a summary of what the NATO Summit had accomplished. Starting by praising the value of a unified supranational organization. Even historically neutral countries, such as Sweden and Finland, now wanted to join. Some of the present NATO countries wish they had taken the EU so seriously. Not to mention most of the United Kingdom. New research shows that more and more people are struggling to think about the positive effects of Brexit. We have reached the point where EU negotiator Maroš Šefčovič is actively trolling us, asking us to get everyone out of their misery and “complete Brexit”. The microphones were then cut off for a few minutes, which was not a big loss as the convict used the time to announce several of the announcements he had made the day before. The United Kingdom and NATO have sided with Ukraine and will provide an additional 1 1 billion in military aid. Although we hope that it was not the impressively expensive Ajax armored vehicles that the British Army had found completely useless and had not yet been put into service. On the other hand, what better way to kill two birds with one stone? Just take out the trash in Ukraine. But that was not all. The convict concluded his opening remarks by insisting that the United Kingdom increase its defense spending to 2.5% of GDP by the end of the decade. He did not say how he intended to raise the extra 10 10 billion to pay for the increase. Mainly because it was not needed. And because he did not care. There was almost no chance that he would still be prime minister in eight years, so that he could afford to make as many promises as he wanted. Just take credit for an attractive policy that the crowd likes and let another mug take the tab. Then we moved on to the questions. Did he agree with Liz Truss that the only acceptable outcome of the Ukraine war was that Russia ceded all the land it had seized by force? The Rwandan Panda smiled. In such moments he remembered why he had given the job to Trash. Which prime minister did not sometimes need intolerance as foreign minister? Someone to make him look nice. Hell, he could hardly complete a proposal for world geopolitics without sounding like a GCSE student in class F. He would not be surprised if he could not even locate Ukraine on a map. “It is not for us to be more Ukrainian than Ukrainians,” Johnson said. He surprises both himself and his audience by coming up with a clever answer. It was not in NATO to tell Zelensky the terms on which a peace should be negotiated. That was under him. NATO’s role was to ensure that Ukraine had the means to respond to Russian aggression as it saw fit. The convict fought harder when the questions turned to internal affairs. Why did the Conservatives have no plans to tackle inflation? How can the UK have the second lowest growth – after Russia – in the G20 countries? And why was the government pushing the tax burden when so many people were struggling? “E,” he said. There were some special factors at work. So special that he could not remember what it was. But the government had a plan. At least it would be when he and Rishi Sunak came up with one. All we had to do was spend the next three years without starving. Or become homeless. Things then became disturbingly graphic. In a statement made by Vladimir Putin that the whole world could be left behind, the Russian president said that Johnson would not be a beautiful sight if he was allowed to pose in his shirt. The Rwandan Panda looked slightly hurt and refused to comment. Although you could tell he thought – in a decent light – that he was still a fisherman. However, better topless than bottomless. There are some pictures we once saw that you can not see.
